Don't You Know Who I Think I Am?

Hey kids!
It’s been a while (for me) so I thought I’d write about today’s fun experience—my audition for the national tour of “Dreamgirls”. I had sent in a headshot and resume via email a few weeks ago, and they responded with what seemed to be a form letter that said something like, “Thank you for submitting. If we need anything further from you,we will be sure to contact you.” So I figured, fine, but what are the chances of hearing from them about this? I'd basically forgotten about it until...

At the same time I was successfully escaping jury duty, I received the aforementioned voicemail. I went into the restroom in central jury to check, because it was an unfamiliar number. And the first thing I think when I get a voicemail from an unfamiliar number is, “What if it’s a casting person?" And it was. They set me up for today at 2:50. They sent me some material to have prepared, and instructed me to wear something sexy. (In the casting agent’s words: “…like a sexy dress, show some leg, and wear a high heel.” It was nice of them to tell me that, because although I would have looked appropriate no matter what, I wouldn’t have thought to go quite so sexy with it.

There’s all this crazy prep that goes into an audition—at least, for me there is. I think it’s this way for any performer, but ESPECIALLY the ladies. First, I knew I would have the material memorized. If there’s adequate time to have something memorized, that’s what I’m going to do. Even if it’s overnight, I will have spent most of the night and well into the next morning committing that shit to memory. And this was over a week, so I thought, “Hell yes. I can do this.” You can always tell what really matters to a person by how much they’re willing to go through and how much prep they’ll gladly do, in order to do it right.

*Straight men, feel free to skip to the next paragraph. I promise you will not care about this part.* I’d like to point out that the dress I wore (which I’m still wearing as I write this) for the audition cost $15. I bought it on Sunday, and it has been my greatest victory today. I’ve gotten at least six compliments on it. Who says you can’t look great and be extremely thrifty? It’s all about your attitude, kids. That, and having a good eye for things that look more expensive than they are. My hair was in a bouffant-flip. For effect, I was also wearing faux-eyelashes. They’re fun, and very 60’s when you do cat’s-eye liquid eyeliner. In the elevator on the way up to the 6th floor, I put on my highest heels—a brutal, black vinyl pair that make my feet hurt like nobody’s business, but make my legs look great. They would more commonly be known as “FMP’s.”

So not only is there all that visual prep, there's also the prep that every good performer has to do every time he or she goes on an audition. Stretching, breathing excercises, vocal warmup--and for me, at least ten minutes inhaling from my personal steamer and warm tea with honey. We each have our own ritual. And in my case, it probably also involves stapling headshots and resumes together (sometimes at the very last minute possible) and taping my music, and arranging it JUST SO in order for the accompanist to be comfortable playing it. Some of them are brilliant and can pick up whatever music you give them right away (like today's, and another particular one I can think of off the top of my head), but not all of them. I've had a few not-so-great experiences. But I don't want to be a pain in the ass and have difficult, incomprehensible music. That's not fun for anyone involved, and you want to make a good impression on everyone. You just never know what they're going to say/think about you when you leave.

Bottom line, being a performer (not to mention balancing all this with your regular day job) is exhausting, challenging and takes a lot of dedication to very detailed processes. But if you love it enough and want it enough, you can find a way. It's like that with everything (and everyone), isn't it? I can't help but think that when I'm being lazy and not auditioning for things, I deserve everything I get (or don't get, rather). God helps those who help themselves, right? Lately, working my ass off at my "day" job and still auditioning meant that I was trying my hardest, and as a result I had two good auditions for really big, great shows. It must mean something.

So I gave myself plenty of time to get all this ready, left the apartment early, and went to Binder. The office I went to was much smaller than I'd expected, and in the hallway was a girl who clearly was also auditioning for Effie's understudy. Around the corner, in the tiny lobby, was another. Now, this is something I also noticed/thought about at the audition for "The Color Purple" but it was more pronounced in this situation: I was the lightest-skinned girl there. Black people (women especially, I've found) are sometimes guilty of prejudice against members of our own race. This obviously goes back to the days before any of us were born (paper-bag test, anyone?), but there's still a misconception sometimes that light-skinned girls think they're superior to and prettier than darker girls, that we get all the men because that's what they "prefer", etc. etc. I always feel just a momentary flash of insecurity when I'm the lightest black person in a group full of darker people--because I automatically think everyone's judging me, like, "Oh, she thinks she's cute because she's light" or, in the case of casting directors, "she's not dark enough for this role". Simply put, I worry just for a few seconds that I'm not black enough. I'm always able to get over that pretty quickly, but still, that's my first instinct. I remember, when I got the part of Dessa Rose, specifically talking about this with Gwen, who played my mama. We agreed that it was entirely plausible (perhaps even MORE plausible and way more interesting, psychologically) for Dessa to be the child of her slave mother and a slaveowner, and therefore it didn't much matter HOW dark the actress was who would be playing her.

As usual, I pushed that out of my mind, told myself I was just as capable as those girls, and started doing my thing--making sure my music was ready and that I looked good. While we were waiting, I found out that the first girl I'd seen in the hallway had A) come all the way from Virginia for this audition (and "Color Purple"--I know because I asked), B) never sung the "Dreamgirls" songs before (I had a leg-up--I'd done two of them for performance demos at AMDA) and C) not actually learned the songs. She didn't really even fully know them. WHHHAAAAAT?! She was hoping she wouldn't have to sing the stuff from the show--and if she did, she was going to go in there and hold her music in her hands. Oh. My. God. If that's not a clear message to the casting people that you don't care enough, I don't know what is. I acted like I sympathized but secretly I was like, "Yessssssss! You don't know them, and I know them so well I don't even have to think about it!" S'alright--more credibility for me, sis.

After the first girl finished, they called me in. I sang from the bridge to the end of "Vanishing" by Mariah Carey. It's from her very first album--it's just her and a piano, and it's one of my favorite songs of all time to sing (and perfectly appropriate as an audition song for this show). If you can sing it well, you can really "take 'em to church" with it. The casting director seemed to like that a lot; he was nodding his head to the rhythm. The accompanist, as I mentioned, was really great. I'd done all this copying and pasting to make it easy on him, and he handled the slight jumpy ghetto-ness of the sheet music beautifully. He played it really boldly and fluidly, without a hitch. Next, by request of the casting director, I sang "And I Am Telling You (I'm Not Going)" which, if you don't know the show, is that big showstopper that Jennifer Holliday originated and that bad singers like to ruin at American Idol auditions. It is the definition of a torch song. And you have to be able to not just sing, but "SANG" to do it. (As in, "You bettah SANG!") Luckily--even though it sounds super snotty to say so--I indeed can "sang". So I did. And I felt great doing it. Then I read some lines with a woman who was in the room, and those went well too. The casting director was one of those benign, emotionless ones who is completely pleasant, but on whom you can't really get a read. He said "Good job" a couple of times while I was in there. Then, when I'd finished all this, he asked, "So you're 5'5", wearing flats?" I said yes, he thanked me for coming, and I walked out. Happy. I know I did my best in there--I did everything passionately, and my voice was strong today. Those high notes came right out.

I couldn't resist telling the girl from VA that yes, we had to do the song. THAT song. She started panicking a little more--and with good reason. I mean, if someone tells you to prepare something, do it. Or you probably won't get the job. It's not rocket science, it's performing. Know your shit so you can focus on emoting, not your lines or your notes.

I'll know if I got a callback by Monday, I guess, because that's when they're being held. Of course, there's always a chance that they'll still call after that, if things fall through with someone (it happens), but I'd think after Monday the chances will be slim. So keep thinking good thoughts, kiddos, and I'll let you know the instant I hear anything. If.

xoxo