Eye Of The Tiger

I'm hanging out in my room by the fan, all glowy after fighting (and winning) a battle against my new hat rack from Ikea. Well, I should be nice to it--it wasn't actually the hat rack that was giving me shit. It was really my walls, which are quite resistant to screws. And if you've ever attached anything from Ikea to a wall, you know that you usually have to screw the main piece to the wall first, and then screw the remaining pieces onto the first piece. Oy. Anyway, I thought I was a bad ass because I calmly and methodically put it up with no problems, put my hats on it and admired my handiwork...and approximately four seconds later, the whole thing came crashing down. It was like a sitcom. Turns out I didn't pick long enough screws. Undaunted, I backed up a few steps and tried again with longer ones, and now my eight hats are resting comfortably on their new rack. Vanessa: 1, Hat Rack: 0.

Going to Ikea with my new credit card was so fun. I didn't go crazy--I only spent $138, which I think is more than reasonable. I could have spent much, much more because I kept seeing things I wondered if I should get, but I pretty much stuck to the list and just added a few fun extras. My favorite thing I bought is the new bathroom rug, which has bright multicolored horizontal stripes. Now there's a cute lime green shower curtain to match and decorative green mini-cattails in a small vase on the toilet lid. Very colorful, and therefore very Vanessa. In the kitchen there are new random odds and ends I needed (new measuring spoons, new whisk, new rug, etc.), and in the living room, an arrangement of blue wooden spirals in a swirly vase and a new mirror. Bedroom has some stuff too--hooks for all my necklaces and that damn hat rack. And I successfully put it all together/screwed it all in with the brand new tool set I also got at Ikea. (No, I didn't have one already. ;) Bad Ass Status: Reinstated. And I was so excited to swipe my new card. Of course, for a less responsible person it could mean trouble, because when you're using it, it's like play money. Like, "my bank account isn't immediately affected by this, so it's okay!" But I like the idea of credit, as long as you don't do anything stupid and wreck it. It's only for trustworthy people--the whole point is that you're good for the real money eventually. And it makes me feel like more of an adult because I know I won't have trouble paying it off. When I was younger I didn't understand how credit cards worked and thought you had to pay on them even if you never once bought anything. I say this all the time--why is there not a mandatory class in schools about finances and living in general? Loans, credit cards, mortgages, insurance, leases, payments, interest rates, even tiny things like balancing checkbooks and whatnot. If no one explains that shit to you, how would you know? Once you get to a certain age it's just assumed that you know all about it. Well, I don't know everything even now. I wish I did. Maybe there's some class I could take and/or create called "Don't Suck At Life: General Information That You Should Know By Now".

One thing I do NOT suck at these days is getting the roles I want. I am thrilled to have the chance to play the role of Sarah in "Ragtime". This show has been near and dear to my heart, my favorite, ever since I saw it on Broadway about eleven years ago. I remember being absolutely riveted the entire time, and that's when the idea came to me that I could do that. That was what I wanted to do with my life. It gave me direction even though I didn't even fully realize it at the time. When Coalhouse was shot, I remember being shocked to my very soul. That's how enraptured I was with this story. Since then, it's been something of an obsession of mine--getting to be a part of the ensemble this past winter (and meeting Lynn Ahrens) was already a dream come true. Something I could check off my to-do list. But being Sarah? That was also something I REALLY always wanted to do. Even though I completely had a blast being in the ensemble and would do it again in a heartbeat, I really did want to be Sarah at some point in my life. And now it's happening. I don't even think it's fully sunken in yet. Sure, I'm not on Broadway, but that doesn't make it any less special to me. It's a role that every black female singer/actress wants to play. One that, if you're at all in the theater world, you know and love. Flaherty and Ahrens are so obviously geniuses. (I know not only from "Ragtime", but from "Dessa Rose". I was lucky enough to be able to thank Lynn Ahrens for "Dessa" and tell her how much it meant to me.) Plus, as I was telling someone recently, I'll get to actually SEE more of the show instead of being in so many scenes. My last "Ragtime" wasn't taped and I always wish, when I'm in a show, that I could be two people at once and watch the show too. I have a really easy track with this one. And I'm so pleased I knocked out the competition. I try to be gracious but it's obviously the best feeling to know you're better for the role than anyone else in the room. I went in there, gave it my all and even worked up some tears. In Bob's words, I "showed him my pain". ;) I'm also excited to find out who's playing Sarah's Friend, which was the other role I was up for. If someone wanted me to, I would probably do this show once a year for the rest of my life--that's how much I love it. I listen to the music and get legitimate chills every single time. Now THAT'S love.

Non-sequitur: I love the movie "Boyz N The Hood". I catch it every once in a while on BET--it's one of my older brother's favorite movies and I used to be too young to appreciate it, but now I especially love it. But after this, how did Cuba Gooding Jr. end up in such shit movies these days? And why were there so many golden yellow button-downs being worn in the early 90's?

I'm really, really tired right now. I think I have to call it quits for tonight--I picked up an extra shift tomorrow, as usual, and am working a double. I've done that a lot lately. Had to make up for losing a few of my weekend shifts and having to pay the bills my closet-transvestite ex-roommate left behind. Oh, what a year it's been.

More soon. I feel like there's other stuff I've forgotten to mention. And this may be the fatigue talking--but above all, right now, all I need anyone to know is that I am clearly a total bad-ass who is totally "worth it". I'm entirely too intelligent, fun, caring, cute, talented and generally awesome to put up with anyone who doesn't fully value me or anything that gets in my way. So there.

Love to you.
xo